Easter Weekend, Part 1

Exhaustion. Content, happy exhaustion. Probably the only way to describe how I feel right now. Wait . .. if I'm going to be honest I'm maybe just a little stressed about the week ahead. I have temporarily misplaced the checkbook, my car is a disaster and I am way behind on laundry. The clothes are piling up, people. And, yes I'm blogging in the midst of it. I want to get these memories recorded. It's important, as I was reminded this week. So, I will be a good steward of my memories and deposit them right here. And, I will pray about what lies ahead this week.

We did have such a fun weekend. I don't think that our family could have squeezed anything else into the past three days. Friday night was our West Valley girls' evening in my kitchen. Saturday morning, we headed up to Portland with our dear friends, the Richters, for a huge Easter party. Saturday afternoon we bought a new (to us) car for Eric. Eric spent Saturday evening back up in Portland with our friend Michael at a Portland Timbers soccer game. Today included church, followed by dinner with family (and, our fave barista/friend from the Bux joined us. such a treat!). And, sugar highs abound!

Here's a glimpse of the weekend. Okay, it's more than a glimpse. I don't want to lose these memories. So, I'm posting half today and half tomorrow.

We'll just go in chronological order, shall we?  Here's Saturday.

Deep in thought, making her first candy selection of the day.

So many fun activities here!

Marshall was in love with this little guy.

Love Eliza in this picture. Definitely wants to pet the puppy. But definitely terrified at the same time.

No, we did not come home with a puppy. A little part of me wishes we had. They are so cute. And, Marshall is so cute with the puppies! But it is only a little part of me. That was a close call though. So easy to get sucked in by those adorable little puppy faces.

Long time buddies, Marshall and Noah. Marshall and Noah look oddly similar, but with totally different coloring. From behind, they have the exact same head. Haha. Marshall, Bethany (Noah's mommy) and I would love it if you could go to college and be roommates with Noah. Eliza says that she is going to marry Noah and be the next Mrs. Richter. Lord, help him.

Eliza and Abraham. How can you not love a little guy whose shirt says "I'm the Bomb"?? We often say that if Eliza and Abraham ended up together they would be a modern-day Bonnie and Clyde. All we can say is: watch out world, get out of their way.

Sweet Jameson wasn't really sure what was going on. But he was happy to be along for the ride, as always.

More to come tomorrow . . .

Keeping My Promises

Last night, my house was filled with one of my favorite sounds. Laughter and chatting rang through the house. Fourteen of my favorite women gathered in my kitchen. We ate and talked and laughed. and ate and talked. and laughed. We never really left the kitchen, actually.

After a long winter, some of us West Valley girls decided that a girls' night was in order. Five minute conversations before and after church on Sundays are not enough. Between sick kids, traveling, and other commitments it seems there are some women who haven't seen each other in months! I am so thankful that I fellowship with these women, that they are part of my church family.  Some of them are new friends. Others are women who I've known for several years. But, I never cease to be amazed at the beauty of the Lord working in their lives. Each time I visit with any of them bits and pieces of their individual stories come out. Funny stories from the past, the journey they've walked thus far, current and past struggles, victories, losses, amazing twists and turns that have brought them to where they are right now. Thank you ladies of West Valley for such a fun evening!

My evening with these ladies also included keeping a promise to all of you blog readers. This promise was easy to keep. Because it involved me getting to eat chocolate cake. My favorite chocolate cake of all time. Chocolate Kahlua Cake, covered in chocolate ganache. Please gaze upon this object of beauty.

I wish I could claim this recipe as some concoction that I just whipped up on my own. But I have to give credit to Demarle -- the Silpat company. I sold their product via home parties for about five minutes a few years back. Haha. What was I thinking? Home parties are so much work. But, the product is awesome. And I do know a really fabulous rep  here in Salem who is currently selling Demarle. I am just not selling it myself. However . . . my brief career with the company landed me a crazy collection of their cooking gear and fabulous recipes. Chocolate Kahlua Cake was one of them. Try it some time. Eat it warm. With warm ganache. LOVE.

Chocolate Kahlua Bundt Cake with Chocolate Ganache

Cake:

1 package Betty Crocker chocolate fudge cake mix

4 eggs

1 cup sour cream

1 cup Kahlua

3/4 cup vegetable oil

1 cup semisweet chocolate chips

Chocolate Ganache:

1/2 cup heavy whipping cream

1 cup semisweet chocolate chips

Optional:  Slice strawberries

Make sure the oven rack is in the center position and preheat oven to 350 degrees. 

Cake:  Combine cake mix, eggs, sour cream, Kahlua, and oil.  Beat with an electric mixer for 1 to 2 minutes.  Do not over mix.  Only mix until ingredients are blended.  Stir in chocolate chips with a spatula.  Pour batter into bundt pan.  Bake for 45 minutes or until a toothpick inserted comes out clean.  Cool.  

Ganache:  When ready to serve cake, in a saucepan bring whipping cream to a boil  Remove from heat and stir in chocolate chips.  Pour immediately over cake and serve.  

Optional:  Fill the middle of the bundt cake with sliced strawberries before serving.

Next Time I Promise Chocolate Cake

Just yesterday I was visiting with a new friend. And, she was so honest. Honest about her life, which looks like a pretty package on the outside. She is sweet, beautiful and has a cute little family. It would be so easy for her to let me believe that her life is and has been the fairy tale it appears to be. But, she openly shared some of her story. What some might say is less than ideal. A story, in fact, that wasn't the ideal that she had envisioned. But, by her sharing the truth of her journey, I had the privilege of seeing the beauty in her trials. Somehow it adds even more beauty to something that looked like such a pretty package to begin with.

On Sunday, one of our pastors shared a portion of his family's story. What some would say was a less than ideal way to start a family. The hopelessness they felt in their circumstances. But their family is so beautiful - and it's made all the more beautiful because of all that the Lord has done in and through and for them.

And so, I was encouraged. Encouraged to continue to be honest about my struggles. The less than ideal moments that only the walls of our home have seen. Oh, what our walls would say if they could speak.
(Anyone catch the Amy Grant allusion there :)? )

Like a day last week. A day where I felt slightly insane at home with my kids. Oh wait, that happens on a lot of days. I'll admit it. At some point during most days being a mom feels exhausting, drives me to tears, and/or finds me acting in ways or saying things that I wish I could take back. I struggle with anger. And impatience. Sometimes I am appalled at my own behavior. There. I said it.

Eric will call and everything is going great. An hour later he is home from work and I am in tears. I think at times he is totally perplexed as to how everything could change so drastically in sixty minutes.

Sometimes my prayer is Lord, help me to love these kids.

The crazy thing is, that we would love to have another little person in this house, no question about it. And, I think I have the best job in the world, no question about it.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love my kids. I love Marshall's red-haired self. His monkey hugs, his sweetness toward Baby J, the way he likes to perfect something before anyone can see it, his love of Star Wars and Legos and Angry Birds.

I love Eliza's blond-bobbed head. (Which by the way, has a mysterious piece in the front with a big chunk of hair missing. She says she has no idea what happened to her hair. We may never know . . . ). I love Eliza's enthusiasm, her expressiveness, her dramatic nature, and her love of all things glitter-y and sparkle-y.

I love Jameson's semi-baldness (hmmm - not sure why I felt compelled to comment on all of my kids hair), those gigantic brown eyes, his big head and his perfectly round belly, his perfect comedic timing, the way he kisses all of us before bedtime, his love of balls, trucks and loud noises.

Yet, being a mom has showed me my need for a Savior more than anything else in my life. If I love my kids so much, why do I snap at them in impatience? Why is it so difficult at times to respond with the grace that God has given to me? Why are there days that I selfishly live for nap time? Acting as if I deserve something - and you know how I feel about that.

I totally and completely identify with Paul when he says: For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate . . . For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. (Romans 7:15, 17-20)


I feel better knowing that even Paul, yes, Paul!, had the same internal battle that I have. Misery loves company. Isn't that how the saying goes?  Paul, the great missionary who gave all with reckless abandon for the Gospel, called himself wretched.

Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? (Romans 7:24)

But, Paul also knew the Truth of the Gospel. That in his wretchedness, he was saved. That even while  Paul was murdering Christians, God called him to himself.

Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! ... There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. (Romans 7:25-8:2).

And like Paul, I am set free. I am set free from condemnation. I am set free from the law of sin and death. Because Jesus gave everything for me.

Because He gave everything, I can turn to Jesus and pray Lord, help me love these kids. Of course I love them. But, I want to demonstrate to them a life that is worthy of the calling of Christ. I want to be willing to lay down my life for them, the way that Jesus laid down His life for me. I want to be willing to die to myself so that my children can experience Jesus and really live. To set aside the things I think that I deserve. [like peace and quiet. being able to eat my lunch without being interrupted 15 times. a life free from the sounds of bickering. being obeyed the first time I ask.] And, trust that as I lay down my life for my children, the Lord will supply all of my need.

God is so gracious. He hasn't left me on my own to be able to do this. He doesn't say This is what I expect of you, now off you go, on your own to figure this out. In fact, He says that living a life worthy of Him is impossible on my own. He doesn't say be strong. He says "be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might." (Ephesians 6:10). Ephesians 6:10-11 says that He gives me His own armor. God's own armor. Which is enough to allow me to stand firm. Because there are moments where life feels like a battle.

But the catch is that I have to put the armor on. It's like any other type of clothing. It's not going to do me much good sitting on my closet floor, or strewn across the chair in my bedroom, or rumpled in a laundry basket (not that my clothes are ever in those places - ummm). The Word of God and prayer are my armor and my weapons for motherhood, and wifehood, and relationships, and crises, and daily life.

My ideal is to be up before my children to study God's Word and to have uninterrupted prayer before everyone is awake. Any and all of you have permission to ask me how this is going. Seriously. Please do. Sometimes my ideal just doesn't happen. But, I can still put on the armor of God. Paul tells the Christians at Ephesus to pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. It is such an amazing gift to have access to God, His armor, protection and weapons for everything I face. I don't want to leave it sitting on the closet floor. Yet, I go back to Romans 7:15 (above). Even though I want to take hold of all He has given me, it is a daily struggle to do it!

Thanks for "listening" to all of my thoughts. I promise a light-hearted post for this weekend. With my favorite chocolate cake of all time. Covered in chocolate ganache. And baked with Kahlua inside. Just you wait . . . it's amazing.

Music We LOVE

Have I mentioned that I love Amy Grant? Well, I do. Honest. Not joking. What? Don't laugh. Not so much the stuff from the 90's and beyond. More like the stuff that she wrote right around the time I was born. Her theology was amazing. El Shaddai, Sing Your Praise to the Lord, Lead Me On. Some of you are going, what in the world is she talking about? Others, like Jen P and Amy L will agree with me whole-heartedly. And, contrary to what Eric would tell you, it is amazing stuff. Amy? Jen? Back me up here sisters. . .

Due to my uh.mazing taste in music, I've had several questions recently about what music our family likes to listen to. Haha! Just kidding . . . I know it is really because Eric is the super-hip music guy.

Anyway . . .  those who have asked aren't asking what Eric and I like. They are asking what we listen to with our kids. Music that qualifies as "kid music." The question has sometimes been What can we tolerate?. This was especially true when Marshall was obsessed with The Wiggles. Luckily we have some options that Eric and I can not just tolerate, but actually like too!

First of all, we have introduced our kids to some adult music that is appropriate for their sweet little ears. For example, Marshall was devastated when we didn't buy him a ticket to see The Avett Brothers. Oops. Both Marshall and Eliza can sing along with The Avett Brothers' version of Spanish Pipedream. Google those lyrics and picture my kids singing them for a good laugh.

My kids also love Mumford, Head and the Heart, Vampire Weekend, Bon Iver, Willie Nelson (yes Dad, really), Taylor Swift (had to sneak that one in, it makes Eric a little crazy), Jack Johnson, Donovan Frankenreiter, Dropkick Murphys, Mat Kearney, and Hospitality to name a few. (Don't worry - we are careful about which lyrics they hear).

Luckily, we have also been able to find some great kids' music.  We love Seeds Family Worship.

Seeds is a collection of worship songs that are Scripture set to music. Each song is a fun, easy and catchy way to help kids memorize Bible verses. There are currently six albums available with themes like Character, Courage and Praise. (My current obsession is Mighty to Save/Zephaniah 3:17 on the Praise album). And, a seventh album titled Purity is available to pre-order. If you buy the actual CD, rather than purchasing on iTunes, you receive two copies of the CD - one to keep and one to give away to a friend. Love. It.

The other kids' worship that we think is fantabulous are the kids' albums created by Sovereign Grace Music. There are two CDs available: Awesome God and To Be Like Jesus. I may have been known to listen to these in the car without the kids.  And, I will never forget Eliza at two-years-old singing Your love will last forever, it's like a mighty river, that flows and flows forever, never stopping. Your awesome love protects me. When I sin your love corrects me. You're faithful to direct me. Always to Your love. Planting Bible truth in their hearts at such a young age. Three years later she still knows the words by heart.

Finally, I have to add that each of our kids has attended Music Together classes, and they have loved them. Their teacher, Mrs. D. (Johanna Dakopolos), is a celebrity around our house. Jameson just finished his first term, and is already obsessed with guitars. It has been one of the most significant steps in fostering a love of music in each of our kids. We cannot say enough in praise of Johanna and her classes! They have classes all over the U.S. so you can check one out wherever you live.

Okay - now I am going to go clean up the puffs that Jameson spilled all over the kitchen floor while I wrote today. Good thing he is so cute. Hard to be mad at that gap-tooth grin. And, yes, I'm aware you can't see his teeth in this picture. This picture took me about 20 tries though!

Reflections from a Rocking Chair

Sitting in Baby J's rocking chair this morning, 5:30am, still dark outside, hot feverish baby curled up in my lap sound asleep. I was grateful for the quiet. Grateful to be awake. Grateful to be listening to him breathe. Grateful that six years ago we bought a really comfortable rocker.

Moments rocking Jameson have been fewer and farther between than they were with Marshall and Eliza - the product of necessity. For my own sanity, I had him sleep-trained early. On a schedule, sleeping on his own without being held, rocked or nursed. It allowed me to sleep and to keep up with the older two kiddos in this home. As a result, Jameson likes to sleep with lots of space, in his crib, sprawled out, free to kick, curl up, roll all over, toss pacifiers . . .

As I soaked in every moment this morning though, a dark cloud jumped out at me from nowhere. Sometimes in quiet moments, when I'm minding my own business, regret can rear its ugly head. Satan whispers my faults, my shortcomings, the what-ifs and the if-onlys. This morning I was bombarded with guilt over my lacking prayer life. Oh, how I wish I could say that I pray daily, consistently and intentionally for Eric and each of my children. My thoughts headed down a path of condemnation. About my laziness, my lack of self-discipline, my tendency to not rise before my family, and my tendency to waste time -- especially on things like Facebook, Pinterest, and blog-reading. Regret over lost time and wasted minutes.

But for some reason, by God's grace, my thoughts stopped in their tracks. I realized the audacity of what I was doing. Hiding from the Lord in my thoughts. Condemning myself for my lack of a prayer life, when I have full access to pray to the God I was hiding from. (Hebrews 4:16). A high priest who sympathizes completely with my struggle and with my sin. (Hebrews 4:15). A God who created me to be this jar of clay, complete with cracks. (2 Cor. 4:7). A God who is willing to shine through those cracks by giving me mercy and grace to help me in my time of need. (Hebrews 4:16)

So instead of hiding from Him, I started talking to Him. Telling Him about my regret, my if onlys, and my shame.

And the most amazing thing happened. As I ran to the Lord instead of hiding from Him, my heart turned to praise. My eyes were off of me and my sin. He came into focus. It became about Him, not about me. He moved me out of contrition and wallowing in my sorrow and self-condemnation. He moved me forward to true repentance - conversion, turning from sin and turning to Him.

Sitting there in Jameson's rocker this morning I left my sin at the foot of the cross. Trusting that Jesus' blood was sufficient to pay the price for all of my sin - including my laziness and lack of self-discipline. Trusting that His blood leaves me free to move forward without the burden of that sin. And to move forward without fear of the consequences of my sin. He will even take the consequences of my own sin and work them for my good. Beauty for ashes. More than I deserve.

All My Dreams Come True

This morning, as she often does, Eliza joined me as I was getting ready for church. Recently at BSF, Eliza's teacher asked the children how they are helpers at home. Eliza's answer: "I keep Mommy company in the closet while she gets dressed. Then she won't get lonely by herself."  Oh, Eliza, how we love you. 

So, today Eliza was being a "helper," chatting away while I put on my make-up. To say that her stream of consciousness is entertaining would be an understatement. All of a sudden she says, and I quote, "Mommy, I am a princess and I deserve to have ALL my dreams come true!" 

Here's where some of you will think I'm crazy: The theologian in me bristles. My brain immediately tries to figure out how to give her an age-appropriate dissertation on our status as sinners, that what we deserve is death, but that we can be grateful for whatever our lot in life because Jesus died on the cross to save us to eternal life. And, what could ever be better than that?  

I begin imagining her having all sorts of theologically incorrect thinking, feelings of entitlement, really believing that she deserves everything she wants. Well, before I could start too far down this path, Eliza says, "Mom, I know that I don't deserve everything I want. It was on a Disney Princess Christmas card and it said, "You deserve to have all your dreams come true this Christmas. And my dreams did come true last Christmas. I got those Princess Barbies, just like I wanted." Phew. Crisis averted. 

It might seem crazy, I know. I can be way too serious about life sometimes. To try to give my four year old daughter a theological breakdown of Paul's letter to the Romans. But, that was my own train-of-thought this morning.  And, maybe it seems harsh, to teach her that she doesn't deserve to have all of her dreams come true. 

However, the truth is that ". . . all [including Eliza and I] have sinned, and fall short of the glory of God." And Romans 6:23 says that the wages of sin is death. What I deserve and what she deserves is death, eternal separation from God and all that is Good. 

But!!  The beauty is that Romans 6:23 doesn't stop with death. No! It continues to say that the free gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ. Life spent forever with Jesus. But also new life now, life with an eternal purpose, life knowing the God who created her and me. The God who loves her and me. Life full of undeserved grace seen in countless ways. 

Please don't misunderstand. I'm not talking about squelching my daughter's dreams. Eric and I want our kids to dream big, because they have a huge God. But, more than anything, Eric and I desire that our children know Jesus. Really know Him, for themselves. To know how much He loves them. We want them to see their own personal need for a Savior. Because they are sinners, whether they realize it or not. Whether they ever chose to acknowledge it or not. And, until they realize and acknowledge their need, they will never reach out to Him. We want them to have an unfathomable depth of thankfulness because they have seen the unfathomable depth of their sin and need and brokenness. We pray that they will see the beauty of what Jesus did for them on the cross.  We want to cultivate a heart in each of them that is thankful for everything in this life, because all of it is more than they deserve, which is death. Each and every thing they have is grace upon grace bestowed on them by their Creator.  Who, amazingly, is also their Savior.

Which brings me to my view at church today. These four human beings are evidence of God's grace to me. I have tasted and seen that the Lord is Good. For so many reasons. Countless ways that He has given me grace upon grace. Thank you, Jesus. 

Robyn's Chicken Lasagna

It's a Thursday. Sean and Ashley H will be here in t-minus one hour and dinner is in the oven. It's my week to feed us all.

And when the weather looks like this:

Then dinner should really be something warm and yummy like this:

Super yummy amazing chicken lasagna. This is a recipe that was passed on to me by my so-fab MIL. She came across it in a magazine years ago, photocopied the recipe and saved it. I'm not even sure if she knows which magazine it was anymore. The photocopied page doesn't say. So, for now we'll just call it Robyn's Chicken Lasagna.  It is pure yummy goodness. Like really thick baked cheese-y chicken noodle soup.

Robyn's Chicken Lasagna

You need:
1 8 ounce package medium egg noodles
1/2 cup butter
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon dried basil
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper
4 cups chicken broth
4 cups chopped cooked chicken
      Side Note: I use approximately 5 breast fillets to get this amount. I put all of the meat from the 5 fillets in the lasagna, even if it makes more than 4 cups. Also, a quick way to cook the chicken is in a 9 x 13 glass pan in the microwave. Cover and cook for approximately 7 minutes per pound. 
1 (24-ounce) carton cottage cheese
1 large egg, lightly beaten
2 cups (8 ounces) shredded mozzarella cheese
1 cup shredded Parmesan cheese

Here's how you do it:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Cook noodles according to package directions; drain and set aside.

Melt butter in a large saucepan over medium heat; stir in flour and next 3 ingredients. Cook 1 to 2 minutes, stirring constantly.

Add broth, stirring until smooth; bring to a boil. Reduce heat, and simmer 5 to 8 minutes or until thickened and bubbly.

Stir in chicken; remove from heat.

In a separate bowl, combine cottage cheese and egg, stirring well.

Now you should have your noodles, the chicken mixture, and the cottage cheese/egg mixture. You'll also need the mozzarella cheese. 

Spoon about one-third of the chicken mixture into a lightly greased 13-x-9-x-2 inch baking dish.

Top with half each of noodles, cottage cheese mixture, and mozzarella cheese. Repeat layers, ending with chicken mixture. Sprinkle with Parmesan cheese.

Bake at 350 degrees for 1 hour. Eat. It. Up. 

We also had really really really (get the picture?) really yummy dessert tonight from Salem's own Sugar Sugar.  

The cute, fun candy and cupcake boutique in downtown Salem. Conveniently located one half-block from Eric's work. Is there anything not to love about a candy and cupcake boutique? I mean, please. Of course I might ask the hubs to bring me home the occasional cupcake. Oh come on, you know you'd do it too. I won't argue if you'd like to help me keep them in business!