He Does It Again

So, God showed up again. Not that I'm surprised. Well, maybe I am a little bit. In my humanness, I forget just how faithful He is.  Since I've already admitted that I'm a Christian music dork, I'll just say that whenever God shows up again (and again and again . . . ) it reminds me of these old Point of Grace lyrics:


You do it again, You do it again 
You speak to me just like a friend 
You always seem to show up right on time 
You do it again, I guess you know when 
My heart needs to hear your voice 
I'm so forgetful, that's why I'm thankful 
You do it again 

Sometimes I find myself wondering how in the world I am expected to know how to train up these children in the Lord. Where's the manual? Can't there just be a formula of x+y=z when it comes to raising little people? Even after reading "the best" parenting books I find myself stumped. What can I expect from them? What is just "kid behavior" that I need to let go of? How many activities are too many? What do I do about the quarreling? What do I do about the temper tantrums? Who gets the toy that they are fighting over? How do I discipline without causing shame?

More often than not, my confidence in my mom-skills is lacking. But, that's because I'm looking for my confidence in the wrong place. I'm looking for my confidence in myself, not in Jesus. I desperately want to be independent. I want to parent, be a wife, homemaker, friend and follower of Jesus by myself.  When it comes right down to it, I'm like my two-year-old who is determined to not hold my hand when we walk down the street, and who wants to do everything on his own so that he can proudly show me that he did it all by himself.

That's just not life following Jesus, not what He desires for us anyway. So, Jesus doesn't let me succeed on my own and in my own strength. He shows me that I require grace, and lots of it. As the amazing Paul David Tripp says in his book, Broken Down House:

Trying to live independent of the daily intervention of God and others is like trying to bake a cake in a washing machine. That washing machine is a wonderful creation, but it was never designed to do what you are asking it to do. All you will end up with is a soapy batter, a dirty machine, and a badly dented pan. Productive living is always rooted in a humble sense of personal neediness. This neediness only comes when you begin to understand and accept what the Bible has to say about sin, and daily reach out for the help that can only be found through the Lord Jesus Christ. 

This morning I was not feeling ready to face a day in the life of a stay at home homeschooling mom to four children. I felt grumpy and irritated and like I was going to just drag through the hours of this day. Then the Lord showed me something in Judges. Yes, Judges, of all books. God called Gideon to save the nation of Israel from the Midianites. Gideon's response is, "Please, Lord, how can I save Israel? Behold, my clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my father's house." (Judges 6:15) Gideon was feeling his weakness. He looked at himself and his position in the world, and it didn't look too promising. 

But God knew Gideon's position and he still wanted Gideon to save Israel. He knew Gideon's personal neediness and it's just what the Lord wanted in a servant. Remember, productive living is always rooted in a humble sense of personal neediness. The Lord said to Gideon, "But I will be with you . . ." (Judges 6:16). Then as Gideon headed into battle, God trimmed Gideon's army down from 32,000 soldiers to just 300. Thirty-two thousand soldiers was just too many. "The Lord said to Gideon, 'The people with you are too many for me to give the Midianites into their hand, lest Israel boast over me, saying, 'My own hand has saved me.''" (Judges 7:2).






Do you know how often I say to the Lord, "How can I raise these children? How can I be a 'good wife?' How can I be the woman you've called me to be?" And His response is always, "I know your downfalls, But I will be with you." To Him, my personal neediness - my sin, my shortcomings, my humanness - are essential because realizing my sin is what will cause me to reach out for the help that I will only find in Jesus.

It seems that adding a fourth child to our home has just magnified my sin! I feel like it has magnified all of the reasons that tumble around in my head that make me want to shout to the Lord, "don't you see this job is too big for me?" Don't you see who I am? How do you expect me to give You to this family?" But, I think adding Morrow was like the Lord cutting down Gideon's army from 32,000 to just 300. He gives me much to handle lest I would ever boast over Him saying "my own hand" has accomplished anything. God's desire is not for me to be like my independent two year old. He doesn't want me coming to Him to say, look what I did ALL BY MYSELF!' He doesn't want me boasting over Him. He desires to be with me in my daily work. And He desires to use my daily work for His Glory.  

Truly, truly, is there anything better than that? Is there anything better than having the Lord take my daily grind - my mess, my struggle and my ordinary life - and turn it into a display of His Splendor? 

What's in a Name: Morrow Isaiah Edition

Four weeks ago, our hearts were bursting with joy as we welcomed baby Morrow Isaiah into the world and into our family. Joy. Pure joy. When we were walking through some of our darkest days, I clung to God's promises with every ounce of my soul. One of those promises is found in Psalm 30:5 that "weeping may tarry for a night, but joy comes in the morning." In the midst of many tears, I was trusting Jesus that joy was truly going to come.

Another way of saying "morning" is "morrow," as found in one of our all time favorite devotionals, Charles Spurgeon's classic "Morning and Evening." The morning devotional for May 13 is based on Psalm 30:5 and beautifully explains our heart in choosing Morrow's name:

Christian! If thou art in a night of trial, think of the morrow; cheer up thy heart with the thought of the coming of thy Lord. Be patient, for

"Lo! He comes with clouds descending." 

Be patient! The Husbandman waits until He reaps His harvest. Be patient; for you know who has said, "Behold, I come quickly; and my reward is with me, to give to every man according as his work shall be." If you are never so wretched now, remember

"A few more rolling suns, at most,
Will land thee on fair Canaan's coast."

Thy head may be crowned with thorny troubles now, but it shall wear a starry crown ere long; thy hand may be filled with cares-it shall sweep the strings of the harp of heaven soon. Thy garments may be soiled with dust now; they shall be white by-and-by. Wait a little longer. Ah! how despicable our troubles and trials will seem when we look back upon them! Looking at them here in the prospect, they seem immense; but when we get to heaven we shall then

"With transporting joys recount,
The labours of our feet."

Our trials will then seem light and momentary afflictions. Let us go on boldly; if the night be never so dark, the morning cometh, which is more than they can say who are shut up in the darkness of hell. Do you know what it is thus to live on the future-to live on expectation-to antedate heaven? Happy believer, to have so sure, so comforting a hope. It may be all dark now, but it will soon be light; it may be all trial now, but it will soon be all happiness. What matters it though "weeping may endure for a night," when "joy cometh in the morning?"

During my "night," I was in the midst of the Bible Study Fellowship study of Isaiah. Isaiah's beautiful prophecy, full of God's promises to His people, carried me through dark hours and breathed new life into my downcast soul. Further, Isaiah means "God saves," and God Himself saved us from the night. We could think of no better middle name for Morrow than the name of God's faithful servant, Isaiah. Welcome Baby Morrow. Sweet baby, you are a tangible expression to us of Jesus's salvation, redemption and joy.

Family Advent Nights

We have the plague here at the Compton house. Boo. Okay, not really the plague . . . being dramatic. Just one kiddo down so far. Gram and Bampa kept our kids over night on Sunday night so Eric and I could stay the night in Portland. Marshall woke up at their house Monday morning with a fever. Poor Marshall. I can't remember the last time that he was really sick, and this definitely ruined the fun Monday he had planned with his grandparents.

This morning finds he and his sister on the couch watching Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Yes. The old school one. From the 1970s. Marshall and Eliza love it. Jameson is, well, being Jameson. Playing with trucks and trains. And hysterically loving the orange Oompa Loompas.

While the troops are occupied, instead of folding laundry, I thought I'd share a Christmas idea with you. I have Christmas on the brain. I found the Sirius/XM Christmas music stations and already preset them in my car. My Pinterest Christmas board is filling up. I have more Christmas crafts than I can count planned for the next month.

And . . . Advent is starting soon, December 2nd to be exact. For those of you who aren't familiar with the Advent season, advent means "coming." During Advent, we celebrate the "coming" of Jesus. It is a season of waiting and preparation for celebrating Jesus' birth at Christmas.

For the first few years that we had kids, we wanted to do more during Advent to focus on Jesus. Eric and I just weren't sure what to do, or how to do it. Then Eric started receiving weekly emails from Todd Wilson at Familyman Ministries. Through Familyman, Eric found what we'd been needing. Todd Wilson wrote a blogpost last year describing their family's Family Advent Nights, and we started following their model last year. I say, "we." I should really say "Eric," since this was all planned and initiated by him.

So, I thought I'd write a similar blogpost on our blog this year, in case any of you were needing ideas for Advent. Because sometimes you come across something so good, that you just can't keep it to yourself! And, it's okay as I copy as long as I give credit, right?  (Familyman didn't pay me or give me anything free - I really just think you all need to know about this!)

At our house, we have Family Advent Night every Sunday night during the Advent season. But, you could pick any night of the week that fits in your family's schedule. Family Advent Night consists of the Bible, an Advent wreath, a snack, a craft and a read-aloud storybook.

We use the following Bible passages from the Familyman blog to read each week. Each passage correlates with one of the advent wreath candles. We light one candle the first week. Two candles the second week. Three candles the third week, etc.

• Week 1 – Prophecy candle (Isaiah 9:1-7)
• Week 2 – Bethlehem candle (Luke 1:1-56)
• Week 3 – Angel candle (Micah 5:2 & Luke 2:2-5)
• Week 4 – Shepherd candle ( Luke 2:8-20)
• Christmas Eve – Christ candle (John 1:1-18)

The Familyman website has amazing Christmas storybooks to read-aloud each week of Advent. Eric ordered the books, not sure what to expect. The books ended up being one of the best parts of our Christmas season last year. They are creative, beautiful and point to the Gospel.  We can't wait to read them again. This year, they've added books on CD. So, after each Family Advent Night, we are going to give the corresponding book on CD to the kids so they can listen to it for the rest of the season. 

The other, and maybe best thing, about the Familyman website is that they sell craft kits. They are inexpensive - about $2 per kit. So, $8 per child for the season. The only thing that you need to add is glue. They are really simple, which is perfect for including pre-school age kids and for their non-craft-inclined moms (like me!). And they make planning Advent night easy and a lot less overwhelming! 

The only thing I had to do was put together an advent wreath, prepare snacks each week, and buy some glue.  And really, we discovered our kids didn't care about the details of what we did. They just loved that it was Christmas-y and that our family was together talking about Jesus. Eliza says that it was her favorite part of Christmas last year. See how easy it can be? So, let's get planning mamas! 

School Has Begun

Oh yes, homeschool is on at the Compton house. We're getting back into the routine of math, language arts, handwriting, reading, Bible and Spanish. And, let's just be honest. Homeschool is one of the best, and hardest, things I've ever done. In some ways, harder than my first year of law school. Truly. Teaching my own kids is beautiful, and I love getting to do school with them. It's also hard. and messy. and exhausting.

I wish I could tell you that homeschool was easy. That no one ever cries during school time. That I never cry during school. I wish I could tell you that I never yell. Or that I never call Eric crying about how hard it is. Or, that during the first week of school, I cried no less than three times because I wondered what in the world I'm doing, and the first day of public or private schools had already come and gone, so it was way too late to register my kids . . . . and . . . wondering WHY am I homeschooling them? I'm totally ruining them. They are going to have huge gaps in their education. And thinking that they need to have a teacher, who isn't me, who will never snap at them because she isn't their mom and she'll get in trouble with her principal if she does.

Whew.

Now. Breathe.

Remember that the Lord's mercies are new every morning. Or, as a friend put it recently, the Lord's mercies are new every subject.

I'm thankful that the Lord made His calling for us to homeschool so clear. I'm thankful that I can look back and see exactly how He showed us that this is the journey He has for our family. Because when I'm really frustrated, discouraged, and questioning why in the world are we doing this, I have evidence that our family is exactly where He wants us.

I know that I could just blog away about the ideal parts of our life and the days of homeschool that are easy. Because those exist too. Some days are just a breeze. I love being with my kids. They love being home. They love learning. No one complains about having to do more math.

But, I know that I need to hear from other moms who are willing to say that homeschool is hard. That sometimes they want to quit. That they look with envy at the school bus as it goes by, and wonder what it would be like to put their kids on it and have a morning to themselves.

Marshall and Eliza are taking Spanish this year. Another homeschool mom, who used to teach bilingual education in the public schools, is teaching it. Last week was our first week of Spanish. And, for that hour, I had the chance to visit and receive encouragement from four other moms who homeschool. Every one of us shared that homeschool can be hard. and ugly. That we feel inadequate. Afraid that we are doing something wrong. Or not doing enough. Or that so many of our great ideas go un-implemented as we just try to survive getting through school, and laundry, and making dinner, and cleaning toilets.

And, you know, when I heard their honesty about homeschool, that it's not easy for them either, it made me want to keep going. Hearing about their struggles didn't discourage me. It encouraged me. I realized I wasn't alone. That these awesome moms who homeschool have just as much struggle as I do. And if they can do it, maybe I can too.

If I'd had silence from them. Or, if all I'd heard was that they didn't understand what I was talking about because it's just fun and easy for them, I probably would have been registering my kids at our local school the next day. At the very least, it would have shut me down, and I never would have been honest or vulnerable with them again.

Eric and I love author Todd Wilson, who speaks on the homeschool circuit. We heard him speak at the 2011 Oregon homeschool conference. And we often go back to his wisdom that "What is hard, is good. And what is good, is hard." I can't tell you how many times Eric has reminded me of those words when I've called him from our bedroom closet, hiding from our kids, to tell him that I just can't do this!

His book Lies Homeschooling Moms Believe brought me back from the ledge last week. His encouragement to be real with other moms made all the difference. I loved this quote: "Refuse to put your best foot forward as was the counsel of a prominent Christian leader, but instead put your "REAL" foot forward. Let the world see your failures and shortcomings and then demonstrate what God can do through your weaknesses. That's the power of being "REAL."

So, this year, I'm determined to be REAL as I blog about home school . . . and about life in general. To put our real foot forward. To show you the bad with the good. The messy with the beautiful. The frustration with the joy. And the failure with the victory. So that I can demonstrate that every victory belongs not to me, but to Jesus.

Next Time I Promise Chocolate Cake

Just yesterday I was visiting with a new friend. And, she was so honest. Honest about her life, which looks like a pretty package on the outside. She is sweet, beautiful and has a cute little family. It would be so easy for her to let me believe that her life is and has been the fairy tale it appears to be. But, she openly shared some of her story. What some might say is less than ideal. A story, in fact, that wasn't the ideal that she had envisioned. But, by her sharing the truth of her journey, I had the privilege of seeing the beauty in her trials. Somehow it adds even more beauty to something that looked like such a pretty package to begin with.

On Sunday, one of our pastors shared a portion of his family's story. What some would say was a less than ideal way to start a family. The hopelessness they felt in their circumstances. But their family is so beautiful - and it's made all the more beautiful because of all that the Lord has done in and through and for them.

And so, I was encouraged. Encouraged to continue to be honest about my struggles. The less than ideal moments that only the walls of our home have seen. Oh, what our walls would say if they could speak.
(Anyone catch the Amy Grant allusion there :)? )

Like a day last week. A day where I felt slightly insane at home with my kids. Oh wait, that happens on a lot of days. I'll admit it. At some point during most days being a mom feels exhausting, drives me to tears, and/or finds me acting in ways or saying things that I wish I could take back. I struggle with anger. And impatience. Sometimes I am appalled at my own behavior. There. I said it.

Eric will call and everything is going great. An hour later he is home from work and I am in tears. I think at times he is totally perplexed as to how everything could change so drastically in sixty minutes.

Sometimes my prayer is Lord, help me to love these kids.

The crazy thing is, that we would love to have another little person in this house, no question about it. And, I think I have the best job in the world, no question about it.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love my kids. I love Marshall's red-haired self. His monkey hugs, his sweetness toward Baby J, the way he likes to perfect something before anyone can see it, his love of Star Wars and Legos and Angry Birds.

I love Eliza's blond-bobbed head. (Which by the way, has a mysterious piece in the front with a big chunk of hair missing. She says she has no idea what happened to her hair. We may never know . . . ). I love Eliza's enthusiasm, her expressiveness, her dramatic nature, and her love of all things glitter-y and sparkle-y.

I love Jameson's semi-baldness (hmmm - not sure why I felt compelled to comment on all of my kids hair), those gigantic brown eyes, his big head and his perfectly round belly, his perfect comedic timing, the way he kisses all of us before bedtime, his love of balls, trucks and loud noises.

Yet, being a mom has showed me my need for a Savior more than anything else in my life. If I love my kids so much, why do I snap at them in impatience? Why is it so difficult at times to respond with the grace that God has given to me? Why are there days that I selfishly live for nap time? Acting as if I deserve something - and you know how I feel about that.

I totally and completely identify with Paul when he says: For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate . . . For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. (Romans 7:15, 17-20)


I feel better knowing that even Paul, yes, Paul!, had the same internal battle that I have. Misery loves company. Isn't that how the saying goes?  Paul, the great missionary who gave all with reckless abandon for the Gospel, called himself wretched.

Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? (Romans 7:24)

But, Paul also knew the Truth of the Gospel. That in his wretchedness, he was saved. That even while  Paul was murdering Christians, God called him to himself.

Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! ... There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. (Romans 7:25-8:2).

And like Paul, I am set free. I am set free from condemnation. I am set free from the law of sin and death. Because Jesus gave everything for me.

Because He gave everything, I can turn to Jesus and pray Lord, help me love these kids. Of course I love them. But, I want to demonstrate to them a life that is worthy of the calling of Christ. I want to be willing to lay down my life for them, the way that Jesus laid down His life for me. I want to be willing to die to myself so that my children can experience Jesus and really live. To set aside the things I think that I deserve. [like peace and quiet. being able to eat my lunch without being interrupted 15 times. a life free from the sounds of bickering. being obeyed the first time I ask.] And, trust that as I lay down my life for my children, the Lord will supply all of my need.

God is so gracious. He hasn't left me on my own to be able to do this. He doesn't say This is what I expect of you, now off you go, on your own to figure this out. In fact, He says that living a life worthy of Him is impossible on my own. He doesn't say be strong. He says "be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might." (Ephesians 6:10). Ephesians 6:10-11 says that He gives me His own armor. God's own armor. Which is enough to allow me to stand firm. Because there are moments where life feels like a battle.

But the catch is that I have to put the armor on. It's like any other type of clothing. It's not going to do me much good sitting on my closet floor, or strewn across the chair in my bedroom, or rumpled in a laundry basket (not that my clothes are ever in those places - ummm). The Word of God and prayer are my armor and my weapons for motherhood, and wifehood, and relationships, and crises, and daily life.

My ideal is to be up before my children to study God's Word and to have uninterrupted prayer before everyone is awake. Any and all of you have permission to ask me how this is going. Seriously. Please do. Sometimes my ideal just doesn't happen. But, I can still put on the armor of God. Paul tells the Christians at Ephesus to pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. It is such an amazing gift to have access to God, His armor, protection and weapons for everything I face. I don't want to leave it sitting on the closet floor. Yet, I go back to Romans 7:15 (above). Even though I want to take hold of all He has given me, it is a daily struggle to do it!

Thanks for "listening" to all of my thoughts. I promise a light-hearted post for this weekend. With my favorite chocolate cake of all time. Covered in chocolate ganache. And baked with Kahlua inside. Just you wait . . . it's amazing.

All My Dreams Come True

This morning, as she often does, Eliza joined me as I was getting ready for church. Recently at BSF, Eliza's teacher asked the children how they are helpers at home. Eliza's answer: "I keep Mommy company in the closet while she gets dressed. Then she won't get lonely by herself."  Oh, Eliza, how we love you. 

So, today Eliza was being a "helper," chatting away while I put on my make-up. To say that her stream of consciousness is entertaining would be an understatement. All of a sudden she says, and I quote, "Mommy, I am a princess and I deserve to have ALL my dreams come true!" 

Here's where some of you will think I'm crazy: The theologian in me bristles. My brain immediately tries to figure out how to give her an age-appropriate dissertation on our status as sinners, that what we deserve is death, but that we can be grateful for whatever our lot in life because Jesus died on the cross to save us to eternal life. And, what could ever be better than that?  

I begin imagining her having all sorts of theologically incorrect thinking, feelings of entitlement, really believing that she deserves everything she wants. Well, before I could start too far down this path, Eliza says, "Mom, I know that I don't deserve everything I want. It was on a Disney Princess Christmas card and it said, "You deserve to have all your dreams come true this Christmas. And my dreams did come true last Christmas. I got those Princess Barbies, just like I wanted." Phew. Crisis averted. 

It might seem crazy, I know. I can be way too serious about life sometimes. To try to give my four year old daughter a theological breakdown of Paul's letter to the Romans. But, that was my own train-of-thought this morning.  And, maybe it seems harsh, to teach her that she doesn't deserve to have all of her dreams come true. 

However, the truth is that ". . . all [including Eliza and I] have sinned, and fall short of the glory of God." And Romans 6:23 says that the wages of sin is death. What I deserve and what she deserves is death, eternal separation from God and all that is Good. 

But!!  The beauty is that Romans 6:23 doesn't stop with death. No! It continues to say that the free gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ. Life spent forever with Jesus. But also new life now, life with an eternal purpose, life knowing the God who created her and me. The God who loves her and me. Life full of undeserved grace seen in countless ways. 

Please don't misunderstand. I'm not talking about squelching my daughter's dreams. Eric and I want our kids to dream big, because they have a huge God. But, more than anything, Eric and I desire that our children know Jesus. Really know Him, for themselves. To know how much He loves them. We want them to see their own personal need for a Savior. Because they are sinners, whether they realize it or not. Whether they ever chose to acknowledge it or not. And, until they realize and acknowledge their need, they will never reach out to Him. We want them to have an unfathomable depth of thankfulness because they have seen the unfathomable depth of their sin and need and brokenness. We pray that they will see the beauty of what Jesus did for them on the cross.  We want to cultivate a heart in each of them that is thankful for everything in this life, because all of it is more than they deserve, which is death. Each and every thing they have is grace upon grace bestowed on them by their Creator.  Who, amazingly, is also their Savior.

Which brings me to my view at church today. These four human beings are evidence of God's grace to me. I have tasted and seen that the Lord is Good. For so many reasons. Countless ways that He has given me grace upon grace. Thank you, Jesus. 

Comfort for a Little Boy's Heart

It's a sad day at the Compton home as we report that Fish Vader and Seawalker, the goldfish, have died. They met their demise before I even had a chance to tell you that they had names.

Marshall is so disappointed that his fish died. It is heartwrenching as a mom to sit hugging your little guy as he cries real tears of sadness because, well, it just makes him so sad. And, there is nothing that I could do to change his circumstances. There is no CPR for goldfish. And, I lack the power to bring them back from the dead.

As I prayed for Marshall before bed, I prayed that Jesus would give him comfort. And, thanked Jesus because He has already promised in His Word to do it. Praise Jesus that I had been living in 2 Corinthians this week and the words from 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, "[He is] the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles ...," were fresh in my mind and on my heart, ready to share with Marshall.

Leaving Marshall's room that night, I remembered that there is a BSF Home Training Lesson (HTL) that mentions helping kiddos when they face disappointment or trials. I knew I had read it in years past.  But, I am a children's leader at BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) and I needed to finish my preparation for the next morning's BSF leadership meeting. It was already late, and I didn't have time to dig through my old BSF materials to try and find the lesson. However, I really felt like I needed some direction from the Word about leading Marshall to Jesus in his sadness. 

Sitting down to prepare my children's lesson for leaders' meeting, I began reading the current HTL, the first step in preparing the children's lesson each week. I squealed out loud, by myself at my kitchen counter, as I realized that this week's HTL was the one that I had been thinking of. This was the week that we were covering that topic this year.  The HTL was about comforting your child. Being unable to change his circumstances. Leading him to the Lord who is in control of the circumstances. To the Lord who can provide true comfort in our sadness. It even specifically mentions missing a goldfish! 

The next morning I sat in children's leaders' training time. One of Marshall's sweet teachers shared the Truth she had chosen for hymn time in their class. It was about God's comfort when we are sad. I already knew that the main truth for the week was: "God gives His comfort to us when we are hurt or sad." But something about hearing Marshall's teacher say those words out loud made it click for me that Marshall was going to learn that concept this week. His memory verse would be 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, the verse that I had just shared with him during bedtime prayer. My eyes were brimming with tears and I was overwhelmed with emotion. God orchestrated what Marshall, my son, would be learning in such a timely way. God cares about my baby boy. Because Marshall is His son first.

I know that my son will face more dire circumstances in this life than losing a goldfish. For, "man is born to trouble as surely as sparks fly upward." (Job 5:7). But, God is shaping Marshall's heart now, weaving a tapestry of trust. Jesus is using even the loss of goldfish to train Marshall to rely on Himself. He is wooing Marshall. He is giving Marshall tangible ways to experience His comfort. Marshall has parents who hug him and listen to him as he shares his sadness. He has a sister/best friend who made him a drawing of Seawalker and Fish Vader that said I Love You.

Then, through His Word, God reinforces that these comforts come from Himself. He is the God of all comfort.  Some translations of 2 Corinthians 1:3 say that He is the Father of all mercies. All mercies begin with Him. When Marshall faces tough times as his life progresses, he will already know by experience that his God, the one true God, is the God of all comfort. The Creator of the entire universe cares about this little heart that loves Him. Jesus is already working out everything for Marshall's good. (Romans 8:28).  It is as true for my six-year-old as it is for me. Praise Jesus!

Goldfish Promises

We are now the proud owners of three goldfish.  Technically, Marshall is the proud owner of two goldfish.  Eliza is the proud owner of one betta fish. But, I said we are the proud owners because something tells me Eric and I will be doing the really fun chore of cleaning the fish tank. That deserves part ownership for Mom and Dad too.

Marshall and his two new, yet to be named, goldfish.

Eliza and her new fish, Violet.

Violet is already named because it was easy.  Eliza got exactly what she wanted ... a purple betta fish.  We've been reading The Boxcar Children.  Eliza's favorite character in the books is a little girl named Violet.  Convenient since Eliza got a purple fish. Unfortunately, all of the pretty beta fish are male. But, Eliza insists that her fish is a girl. Thus, we have Violet the boy purple betta fish. 

Detour here but I will get back to the fish . . . I've been convicted in recent weeks about keeping my word, in particular to my children.  It all started with a BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) Home Training Lesson.  Home Training Lessons are a handout, available each week at BSF, with solid biblical parenting wisdom. They are also known at our house as The Best Parenting Book (that isn't really a book) EVER.

[Side note (yes, a side note within the detour): I have been attending BSF since September of 2004.  God used BSF to change my life. He used BSF to change my family's life. That is really a story for another post. But if you are curious, check out their link on the right. They have (uh-mazing) Bible classes all over the world. If you have ever wanted to read the Bible for yourself -- with analytical questions, discussion and lecture -- this is the place to go. And it is totally free. And they have free children's classes at the same time as the adult classes, where your kids learn what you are learning.]

I want my children to trust me and my word. I know that in some ways they will make a connection between their relationship with their parents and their relationship with Jesus.  Obviously, Eric and I will never be perfect and their heavenly Father is perfect! But, I'm learning to trust God's promises and to rely on Him and believe that He will always follow through on those promises. I want my children to have the best example that I can give them of being able to trust the Lord for His promises. 

My kids make a lot of requests throughout the day, some reasonable and some unreasonable. Some are reasonable but still impossible or impractical for me to meet that day (or maybe ever). And, sometimes I am busy and just don't want to take the time to think it through right that second. I often give a "hopeful" answer like "we'll see" "if we have time" "maybe tomorrow or later this week." I've been reminded that my kiddos might take this as a promise and that I need to be more careful in my choice of words!

So, I'm asking Jesus to make me more aware of the promises I make to my children. I'm asking for Holy Spirit power to be able to reflect God's character of trustworthiness and promise keeper. I'm posting Scripture around the house to remind me of God's character, as faithful promise keeper, to remind me of the importance of keeping my word, in particular to these three little babes. 

God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill? (Numbers 23:19)

Above all, my brothers, do not swear -- not by heaven or by earth or by anything else. Let your "Yes" be yes, and your "No," no, or you will be condemned. (James 5:12)

I want to be careful about what promises I make.  I want to think carefully before I let the word "Yes" or "No" roll off of my tongue. Maybe something is too expensive, too dangerous, too far away (like Antarctica to see emperor penguins). Maybe it just cannot fit in our schedule. Or maybe my kids just don't need one more toy or treat at the grocery store, even if it is on the Target dollar aisle. But, I want to explain clearly to them that the answer is "no" from the beginning, even when I don't want to disappoint them.  It guards my integrity before them much better than a promise that would go unkept.

And, I want to be more careful in the way I handle broken promises because sometimes things prevent promises from being fulfilled. I need to explain and ask forgiveness. I can always use the opportunity to turn my kids to the cross. Mommy needs Jesus too.

I felt like this was daunting as the Lord first placed it on my heart. I also felt discouraged when I realized how much work I really need in this area of my parenting. But, then I was reminded that "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:13). And, I'm thankful that He loves me enough that He isn't leaving me the way that I am. He is using His Word to refine me so that I am "being transformed into His likeness," and then I can better reflect His glory to my children. (2 Corinthians 3:18). PTL!

Back to the goldfish ... Over two years ago, Marshall had to have an emergency appendectomy.  It happened to be on the day of his friend's birthday party.  (This just happens to be the girl that he has already decided that he is going to marry. Love. It. ) And, she was giving out real live goldfish as the party favor. Of course Marshall couldn't go party while he was in surgery, but try explaining that to a four year old!  So, in the midst of all the appendectomy craziness, we promised him a goldfish.  

Then we didn't get him one.  But, we kept saying we would.  Oh, he didn't forget.  Every once in awhile he'd remind us of the promised fish.  I don't even really know why we didn't get one for so long.  It just kept being put off.  

As I have asked God to help me to consistently keep my promises He brought the goldfish to mind. So, this weekend we went to Wal-mart to finally keep our promise and get goldfish. They were OUT of goldfish because their tank has a leak. No joke. But, I did get really awesome cheap Valentine's decor -- which was a good reward for braving Super Wally World. Then we went to PetCo at Keizer Station so we could avoid Lancaster. And, their fish were under observation and not for sale.  Yes, seriously. We finally ended up on Lancaster at PetSmart. And left PetSmart with three fish and two incredibly proud fish owners.

Welcome to the family, Violet and ComptonFish#1 and ComptonFish#2!

A Bone in an Armpit

Okay - seriously people. I hate Daylight Savings Time. I know, it is November, the month of thankfulness. Everyone on good ole Facebook is giving thanks for 30 days . . . But, for reals, I have to complain about this one thing. Seriously. This is the worst. time change. ever. My kids are basket cases. All three of them were up so early this morning. Marshall was SHOUTING "wake up!!!!" at his bunny (the amazing bunny clock that keeps him in bed until 7:00 - which sometimes makes me feel like a mean mom but only for a minute and then I remember how much I enjoy the quiet in the morning). So . . . we quiet him down and explain that the time change is no fun but that we all have to get used to it. Soon we hear screaming, shouting and sobbing coming from his room. He is FREAKING OUT saying that there is a bone coming out of his armpit. What? Seriously? No idea. But he is insistent. Until Eric sits him up and shows him that there is NO bone sticking out of his armpit. I am so over Daylight Savings Time. If President Obama could get rid of it he just might get my vote in 2012...

On another note. My kids are hilarious. Yesterday, Marshall and Eliza decided that every room, door and cupboard in our house needed a label. I have no idea where the idea came from but it kept them busy and quiet for a LONG time. Here are some highlights of their signage . . .

The first one is my personal favorite. In case you can't tell it says "Hey! I need privacy!" Written by my 4-year old. (Yes, I homeschool . . . can't you tell from her precise handwriting?) She informed me at bedtime last night that "You and Daddy can only come in my room when I take that sign off of the door." She is 4 - not 14. What??:

Pantry (With Marshall's "amazing" depiction of a banana - his words):

Refrigerator: