Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Taylor Swift Theology

Breathe. Sometimes I have to remind myself to breathe. I sometimes catch myself holding my breath. Often it is when my kids first get down for naptime/quiet time. I have to stop and take a really big breath. And then stare at a wall for awhile.

I am an outgoing introvert. Does that even make sense? Do I love people? Yes! Do I love to talk? If you know me in real life than you know that the answer is a resounding, YES. A challenging verse for me is always "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak . . . " (James 1:19). Let's just say that God is working on my tongue . . .

A few Mother's Day memories thrown in

I love getting to know people. I love hearing their stories. I love knowing where they came from, what they've gone through, their personal twists and turns. Chatting over caramel macchiatos or cake at Konditorei until we get kicked out at closing time is my idea of a great time!

But, I have always been happy on my own. I get why Jesus was always going off to a solitary place by Himself. Even in high school, I was content to spend hours in the peace and quiet of my own bedroom. Now as a mom, you might think I'd be dying for adult conversation by naptime. What I really want to do is get our house picked-up without a toddler on my hip, sit down with the Word or some other book, or pour out my thoughts on my laptop or in my journal. In total silence. Or maybe sleep. But just maybe.

So, here I sit. With my thoughts. That have been dancing around in my head for a few days...

There is this Taylor Swift song titled Fearless. The chorus goes like this:

And I don't know how it gets better than this
You take my hand and drag me headfirst, fearless
And I don't know why but with you I dance
In a storm in my best dress, fearless

It's on my running playlist. It always comes on when I am running UP Sunwood Drive, this HUGE hill by our house (well, it feels HUGE when I'm running UP it anyway). And EVERY time I listen to Fearless, I get to the chorus and I catch myself wanting to raise my hands to worship Jesus. [And sometimes I do. I'm sure I'm known to the people who live on Sunwood as the crazy girl who runs with her hands in the air.] What? I don't know. It's a Taylor Swift song. Not Hillsong or Chris Tomlin. But it moves me.

There is something about that chorus.

The last two years of my life have felt like a storm.

And it has felt like God has grabbed me by the hand and dragged me headfirst into a storm. Like the way He dragged the disciples into a storm in Mark 4:35-41. Read it. Jesus says to the disciples, "Let us go over to the other side." It was Jesus's idea to head out. in a boat. onto the lake. He is the Sovereign God of the universe. Look at the end of the story. Jesus rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Only God could control the wind and the waves with His voice. Now, do you think Jesus didn't know what was coming?

Jesus knew there would be a storm. And He still suggested that they get in the boat. He knew they were going to face fear.

God, in His Sovereignty, dragged me into the storm. I was in what I thought was my "best dress." My life was exactly the way that I wanted it. Exactly the way that I had planned. I thought it was pretty. I was in control. White picket fence. American dream. Handsome husband. Two beautiful kiddos and one on the way. Law school degree for security. But, stay-at-home mom. Attending church and Bible study. Even a Bible study leader.

And then came the storm.

And I learned to dance in the storm with Jesus. In some ways to ruin "my best dress." Only to have Him re-fashion it into something better. More beautiful. More perfect. Because HE did it.

The more I dance with Jesus in the storm, the more fearless I become. I see Him show up. He provides everything I need. Through His Word. Through people. Through all kinds of things He chooses to use.

Now, I find myself saying "I'm all in." All in. With everything I have. I want to be in that boat. Even in the storm. To dance in the rain. To take what I think is my "best dress" and hand it over to Jesus. And wait expectantly to see what He will create.

Photo Credit: My Hubs


At The Picket Fence said... beautiful Jocelyn! I completely relate to being an extrovert/introvert. I like to say that I am a "learned extrovert" since I love people and love talking but get my energy from being alone. Robb calls it "Nessa time". LOL! Anyway, just know that your words were just what I needed this morning and you have blessed me as I start a new day. AND I just read your last post and OH MY GOODNESS!!! I am so sorry about what happened to Marshall! Poor baby. :-( I will be praying for him to continue to recover and heal!
Love ya,

Jocelyn said...

Thank you so much for the encouragement Vanessa! It is a total treat for me that friends read my words. And are so gracious in their response! Love to you!! (And hope to SEE you. in person. one of these days?

Melody said...

Wonderful post. I can totally relate to SO many things you wrote! Even the part about wanting to raise my hands in worship while running...although I've yet to get up the courage to do it : )

And I too, am in the midst of a storm. I keep thinking that I have reached the point of being completely undone, and I hold my breath waiting for Jesus to begin "the putting back together"..but that part seems like it has yet to come. Still lots and lots of undoing.

But I know, that I know that Jesus can take what I see as an ugly, ugly mess and make something utterly beautiful.

Thanks for sharing your heart and enduring my random comment : )

Jocelyn said...

Melody -
I just discovered I never replied to your comment! Thank you for sharing your heart! Your posts on the mom4life blog encourage me so much! I am looking forward with expectation to hearing the ways that our great God creates beauty in your struggle. I appreciate your honest words and heart so much.