Undrinkable Water

For a change of pace around here,  let’s talk about water . . . plain old water. Living in the Willamette Valley, we are blessed with, literally, some of the best drinking water in the entire world. Seriously. We go on vacation and I can hardly choke down their H2O. And, if I’m gone from Oregon for too long, I start craving Salem-water. No joke. Yes, I am spoiled. A longtime friend went to college out of state and would ask her mom to bring her Salem-water in gallon jugs when she came to visit.  There’s just something about it that is so good.

2000 years ago in Israel, not so much. The staple drink was almost always water mixed with wine -- even for children. Water was always brought from a well and carried back home in a vessel of some sort. Water’s origin, mixed with the hot climate, made it unsafe to drink because of bacteria growing in it.

In the second chapter of John’s gospel, Jesus is at a wedding and the wine runs out. (Now, don’t tune out here just because you’ve heard this story a million times. I had too! But I noticed something totally new reading it this time around.)

Mary asked Jesus to do something about this wine crisis. Jesus asked the servants to fill six 20-30 gallon stone jars with water. Not only that, but these stone jars were jars used for the rites of purification. Not something that the people would generally drink out of. [And notice that there were six jars - one short of seven, the number of perfection.]

You know what? The servants did it. They obeyed Jesus. It was crazy, but I’m sure they were desperate for a solution. They were likely not looking forward to approaching their master with the news that the wine was gone, the bottles were empty, the party was about to come to a screeching halt.

In his divine nature, Jesus performed a miracle. He took that bacteria-growing water, in six stone jars normally used for ceremonial cleaning, and he made wine. Not just any wine, either. Wine of the best quality. Somewhere between 500 and 700 liters. Y’all, that equals somewhere between 600 and 900 bottles of top quality wine.

Jesus allowed these servants to experience his deity, his power, a miracle with their own eyes. All they did was fill jars with water. They did what Jesus asked them to do. They knew this wasn’t a magic trick because they had just done the hard work of lugging that water with their own hands.

Do you see what else Jesus did? Jesus let the servants in on the miracle. He gave them a part to play. Jesus let them bring the water. Jesus is God, the one who created the earth and everything in it out of nothing. He had the power to create this wine out of nothing, too. He didn’t need the servants to do anything.

Yet in His Grace, He let them. In His grace, he let them sweat and toil and work.  Maybe as they filled those jars, the servants were wondering what good all of their work was doing. How could filling jars with undrinkable water do anything to solve their problem of a lack of wine.

Sometimes, I feel like the servants. I feel like I’m filling jars with undrinkable water when what I really need is wine.

Jesus has called me to be a wife, a mom, a home manager, to educate my children, to share the Gospel, to love those around me, to make dinner for families with new babies, to offer my life as a living sacrifice to Him.

But, the day to day can seem so mundane. And all of the time, I feel my depravity. I feel how short I fall from the glory of God. I know my sin. I know that sometimes I yell or snap at my children. I know I can be lazy and selfish. My own cup runs dry and I feel like I’m just going through the motions. Honestly, I don't know what I'm doing most of the time and I wonder why life (and children) doesn't come with an owners manual.

I feel like the servants who probably wondered what in the world to do now that the wine was gone. I begin to wonder how in the world the things I do are supposed to become what they need to be. 

But, here is the best news!! The good news of the Gospel! Jesus takes all of that mess and by his grace covers it all. His grace covers all my sin. In short, he takes the undrinkable water and he turns it into wine. So often, I want to make the wine by myself. In my pride, I want my life to be like top quality wine pouring out of me, without Him.

Yet in His grace, Jesus lets me bring just the water. Just the undrinkable, bacteria-growing water. 

Isaiah 64:6 says this: "All of us have become like one who is unclean and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags . . . "

All. our. righteous. acts. are. like. filthy. rags.

What hope is there if our righteous acts are like filthy rags? I mean, I could understand our evil deeds being like filthy rags. But, our righteous acts? If what Isaiah says is true, then what? 

Then . . . Jesus . . . Jesus who turned the water into wine. Jesus can take our lives - our jacked up, sinful, broken lives -- and turn them into what they are supposed to be. Oh what joy!!

One last thought before I end. Instead of taking credit for the wine Himself, Jesus says to the servants "Now draw some out and take it to the master of the feast." (John 2:8). Jesus lets the servants present the wine to their master that He just made, amazingly good wine. Can you envision how things had just changed for them in a split second? They had gone from delivering bad news to delivering amazing wine. 

Just like the servants had the privilege of taking that wine to the master of the wedding, we get to go before the Lord with our lives redeemed. Jesus came and died on a cross, that we would not have to go before Him with our lack, with our brokenness, with our emptiness, lives ravaged by the Fall. Because of the miracle that a sovereign, holy, all-powerful God would give up Heaven to come to Earth and die for sinners while they were his enemies, believers approach the throne of grace with confidence knowing He sees the best life of all - Jesus.

IF:Gathering Part II

Yay! Ladies interested in watching IF:Gathering, you made it to the blogpost! 

When I posted the invite on Facebook to watch IF:Gathering in my home, I seriously imagined about five of you showing an interest. Well, about forty responses later, I'm wondering if you are all going to fit in my living room. Women may be packed in like sardines, but whether five or 50 of you actually show up it will be awesome. 

Here's where we're at. You probably know that I'm a mom of four little people, one of whom is still a nursing baby who doesn't take a bottle. Read: I have to be home at bedtime for the baby. 

So . . . I'm going to go ahead and play IF:Gathering in my living room. We may be comfortable on the couches. Or, we might end up taking the couches out and having an overflow into my kitchen and dining room. I don't know what it's going to look like. Fair warning: You could be sitting on the floor. (Pregnant friends and women with newborns get first dibs on the couch). You might accidentally sit or step on a Lego. I can pretty much guarantee that I won't have enough time to clean up the whole mess that Morrow makes eating dinner that evening. 

My plan is to hit play on the first speaker at 7:30pm, next Friday, February 21. I know it is a little late, but it gives us time to get through dinner and, for those of us with kids, help get them to bed.  We might run late, but you can come and go whenever you need to, and the next day is Saturday after all. 

It will probably take four Fridays to get through the whole conference. You can come for as few or as many evenings as you can make it to. 

All that being said - it would be awesome if you could comment on this post, message me on Facebook, or send me an email (my email is on the sidebar of the blog) or text me - to let me know if you think you'll be there. (I can also get you my address if you need it). Please feel free to invite a friend. I would love to have a general idea of how many women to expect - but if you end up being able to come at the last minute then by all means, COME! (Yes, I know we might be a little squished, but this conference is SO good). Finally, if you have any other questions about it, please ask. 

IF:Gathering

Mom. Fail.

We just had the Snowpocalypse of the century and I did not take even one picture of my kids playing in the glorious white powder.

While my three oldest "babies" (they hate when I call them that - declaring "MOOOOMMM we are NOT babies anymore!") were out playing in the snow, I was able to watch the livestream of IF:Gathering, which took place in Austin, Texas this weekend. (NOTE: The livestream is available for FREE until 10:00pm tonight at this link.) Wishing about now that I had some cute snow pics to pepper my writing. But, alas, I don't. I hope you'll read anyway, even without their cute smiling faces to urge you along.

You can check out what IF is all about at this link. The basic idea is "IF God is real, then what?

One of my dearest friends planned an IF:Local here in Salem to watch the Austin conference. I wanted to be there. Author and Jesus-lover, Jennie Allen, was the main catalyst of this conference. Jennie's book, Anything, was one of those books that felt in many ways like reading my own heart poured out onto paper. But, our season of life - with a nursing baby and big kids with lots of activities - was like a roadblock preventing me from attending the conference.

Enter Arctic Chill 2014. Proof that when God wants you to experience something, He makes it happen. The snow meant all of my kids activities and bday parties and even church were cancelled. The snow meant we were house-bound with no where to go. The snow meant that the IF:Gathering livestream was available in my own house, where I didn't need to leave my nursing baby who has an unpredictable schedule. The snow meant that my three older kids were occupied for hours and hours and hours out playing in the backyard. The snow meant I had glorious TIME to watch IF!

Praise Jesus! IF:Gathering was a crazy blessing to me. If you've been reading my blog at all over the past couple of years you've heard, with as much honesty as I can muster, some of the things that Jesus is working in my heart. I was brought to tears listening to other women at IF as I realized that the Holy Spirit is at work all over the country, all over the world, working similar things into the hearts of women everywhere. Every woman has their own story, their own circumstances. But, through those unique stories, the Lord is weaving common truths about who He is and who we are in Him.

As time and life allow, I'm hoping to write about some of what I heard and am thinking about over the next few weeks. I've got a ton of thoughts in my head and I need to work them out on here.

Here's one little snippet to start off. Shelley Giglio shared on Psalm 84 and I learned so much!

Even the sparrow finds a home,

and the swallow a nest for herself,

where she may lay her young,

at your altars, O Lord of hosts,

my King and my God.

Blessed are those who dwell in your house,

ever singing your praise!

Okay - so the swallow is a super common bird. (Also super annoying - we have had them build nests in our dryer tubes twice, grrr). They are on every continent. They are everywhere. Just like people. Lots and lots of them all over the world. The swallow built her nest (for her young) at the Lord's altar! 

Do you hear that?? The swallow, a common non-extraordinary creature, built her nest at the Lord's altar! Right next to God! The audacity of it!  And the beauty! It means that we too are invited to be with God and building at the same time. 

So often, I think of life in such a compartmentalized way. Spend time with the Lord. Then go to all the other stuff I think He expects me to do. Spend time with the Lord. Then go work for Him. Spend time with the Lord. Then go take care of my babies. 

But NO! God wants us to do our building in His presence. At His altar! Us! Common people! As a mom of little people, it was especially significant to me that the swallow was building a nest for her young in His presence. I'm not 100% sure how this is going to play out, but I know the Lord wants me building for His Kingdom in His presence! With him! And He says that those who dwell in the Lord's house are blessed. 

So there is just a little glimpse of what I took from just one session of IF. My brain is spinning and my heart is full from listening to these women who love Jesus. More to come . . . 

Fave Family Photos

One of the joys of writing my blog is that it has given me a place to think "out loud." Whether anyone reads it, well, that is up to the Lord. But, I have come to love the computer screen and the click of the keys as I pour out the thoughts that swirl around in my head. 

I also love the blog for keeping track of our life. I love it as a place to keep some of our memories. When i started blogging again two years ago, I went back and looked at my original blog posts. I was amazed at the memories that were there . . . memories that I had completely forgotten about and I was so thankful that I had captured some of them in writing. Even if it is sporadic at times, I want to keep up on preserving our memories. 

That being said, I'm a little late on this, but we had family photos done in October. Over the summer, our favorite photographer moved to Colorado, and I was more than a little heartbroken. As I set off in search of a new photographer, I found the fabulous Erich McVey. Erich and his wife, Amy, make the perfect team to capture our family and we are so thankful that we found them!  

My Real Need

The theme running through my life lately, okay - always actually, is a real need for the deep, deep love of Jesus.

Here's a little sample of what that has looked like lately.  Let's start with Psalm 146:3-5: 

Put not your trust in princes, 

in a son of man, in whom there is no salvation. 

When his breath departs, he returns to the earth; 

on that very day his plans perish.

 Blessed is he whose help is in the God of Jacob, 

whose hope is in the Lord his God ...

Now, as much as I think Princess Kate of Wales is thoroughly beautiful, I don't really struggle with putting my trust in royalty. But, let me tell you, I struggle with putting my trust in a whole lot of other things in which there is no salvation. Most recently, my struggle has been putting my trust in perfection. Somehow I came to believe that if I could just get my house in perfect order with Pottery Barn-worthy organization, everything would be okay.  If I could just get the drawers cleaned out, a system for laundry put in place, and every closet in good order then life would be pure bliss. Basically if I was perfect and the things in my domain were perfect, life would be, well, perfect. 

But you know, it's a lie. Just like a man dies and returns to the earth, my organization eventually dies. The reality of having four (beautiful, fun-loving and very messy) children is that my home will soon fall into disarray yet again. I mean, I have a 24-pound, 10-month old baby boy who likes to be toted around on my hip and has gleefully learned to open cupboards and drawers. And, I have a 3 year old who drops random things all over the house all day long. Half of the play kitchen is on the great room floor, his toothbrush is under the dining room table, my best whisk is under the breakfast table and there are random bits of kleenex all over the house right now. Don't even get me started on the state of my kitchen floors even though I just cleaned them last night. 

Two years ago, I wrote about our big home organization project. Feel free to go back and read it with a chuckle. I felt so accomplished two years ago, and I thought it was the answer to everything. You know the illusion of control that a perfectly clean house brings? Well, needless to say it didn't last. Now, I'm not saying that we should just ignore cleanliness all together, but for moms of young children   our expectations need to align with the reality of our daily lives! The problem for me lies in putting my trust in having a perfect house (and essentially a perfect life) and idolizing the false sense of control it gives me, when really all control belongs to our Sovereign God.

The Lord continued to drive this point home to me through Matthew 4:4: "Jesus answered, "It is written, man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God." And all I could hear was "man shall not live on organization (or perfection) alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God." When I start feeling like I want my house and life under control, I sometimes get tunnel vision. I just want to jump into projects first thing, often to the neglect of God's Word or the priorities that the Lord has for me. When I insist on living in the physical realm (the bread of Matthew 4:4), God shows me my real need for every word that comes from Him. See how God was weaving this ribbon of a theme through my week? 

Now, add in Psalm 147:10-11: 

His (God's) delight is not in the strength of the horse,

 nor his pleasure in the legs of a man, 

but the Lord takes pleasure in those who fear him, 

in those who hope in his steadfast love. 

God graciously told me that just as His delight and pleasure is not in the strength of the horse or the legs of a man, His delight and pleasure is not in how organized I am, how clean my house is, or how perfectly I run our homeschool day. More than anything, he wants me to put my hope in his love. Yet, I struggle with placing my hope in my own abilities and striving for perfection even though they fail me again and again. 

This morning, God really drive the point home with Luke 10:38-42: 

"Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, 'Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.' But the Lord answered her, 'Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.'"

Oh gosh. Could it be any more clear? Can we just sub my name in here? . . . But Jocelyn was distracted with much serving . . . the Lord answered her, "Jocelyn, Jocelyn, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary."

But I want to choose the good portion!! I want to be like Mary and choose that which will not be taken away from me.

Sometimes I am a Mary. I choose the good portion. At times, I choose Jesus and I rest in His love: I spend time in the Word first. Instead of being anxious and striving so much, I just live and trust that His grace will be enough to fill in the gaps that my sin and humanity inevitably leave gaping wide open.

But other times, the Word hits my heart more like the way Jesus described a seed landing among thorns: "As for what fell among the thorns, they are those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by the cares and riches and pleasures of life, and their fruit does not mature." (Luke 8:14). So often the Word gets choked out by the cares and the riches and the pleasures. Mountains of laundry and breakfast dishes stacked high. Friends and playdates. Vacuuming and clutter. Parties and dance classes. Difficult relationships and stubborn children. Good books and The Bachelor (cringe). Messy closets and overflowing desk drawers. Facebook and blogs. Messy cars and crumbs on hardwood floors. Board games and Legos.

The list could go on . . . and on . . . and on. But, Jesus is good - He's pulling back those thorns. He is not content to let His Word be choked out in my life. He wants the Word to bear fruit in my life and grow up to maturity. Just as Paul told the Philippians, He who began a good work in me will bring it to completion .... (Philippians 1:6). He is relentless in keeping that promise! Even when He has to repeat Himself everyday with the same theme, the same lesson, the same idea. Even when He has to make it  uncomfortable and even painful, Jesus refuses to let me forget my real need for His deep, deep love.

Merry Christmas from the Comptons!

Wishing you a Merry Christmas!! 

Thanks be to God for his unspeakable gift!

Vulnerability

Y'all! You are so wonderful! Your encouragement, your honesty, and just the fact that you would take the time to read my words. Holy smokes.

Admitting that I struggle with insecurity has been so freeing for me. It started with conversations with a few friends and then I decided I may as well go "public" on here. Seriously, I'm so thankful that it was encouraging to some of you, because just bringing my struggle into the light has helped me. 

My wonderful friend, Kayla, has continued the insecurity conversation over at her blog. She talked about losing ourselves. Her thoughts are one piece of the direction my thoughts have been going. So, instead of reinventing the wheel, I'll just suggest you head over to her blog and read her words. They are honest and real and, well, you'll see why I count Kayla as a huge gift from the Lord. 

In response to my blog, I had two women recommend that I check out Brene Brown. Brown is a professor at the University of Houston who studies shame and vulnerability, particularly in women. I know I won't do justice to her research in just a few short words here. But, here's a short summary of one of her presentations: 

Brown found a correlation between a feeling of worthiness and the ability to be vulnerable. Those who have a strong sense of love and belonging know they are worthy. Those who know their worth are free to be vulnerable with who they really are. Vulnerability is what allows us a connection with other people in a real way. Connection is a result of authenticity: being willing to let go of who we think we should be in order to be who we really are. So, the thing that keeps us out of connection with others is the fear that we are not worthy of connection.  See the cycle? 

The idea is to let ourselves be seen. To love with our whole hearts, even though there is no guarantee. A willingness to tell our stories. Brown shared that courage has its root word in Latin, meaning to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. It means the courage to be imperfect. In Brown's words, believing that what makes us vulnerable, makes us beautiful. 

I don't know if Brown is a follower of Jesus or not. But, her research confirms how the Gospel changes everything. Because Jesus died on the cross for me, I can know my true worth. I can know that I was worth giving up his throne, living a sinless life in a terribly broken world, and dying a horrendous and excruciating death by crucifiction. I can know I belong to Jesus and that He sees me as righteous. My worth is not found in my library fines, my messy house, my forgetfulness or my impatience. I am no longer defined by my past or present sin or my flaws. I'm also not defined by my career (or lack thereof), my marriage, my friendships or my parenting. 

I am free to be defined solely by my relationship with Jesus. When I'm defined in that way, I'm safe. I'm hidden in the shadow of his wings. My life has been hidden away with Jesus. With my life hidden safe in Jesus, I'm free to be vulnerable. I'm free to admit my flaws and my sin rather than covering them up with a pretty facade. And in doing that, I discover that those "ugly" places are often what bring true beauty. They demonstrate the places that God is strong in my weakness. 

Therefore, vulnerability seems to be the key to becoming secure.The apostle John said "But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin." (1 John 1:7). To be in the light requires vulnerability, bringing our hurt, pain and sin into the light where it can be seen by the Lord  and others. For some of us, at first, being vulnerable takes stepping out in faith and testing the water to see what happens when we walk in the light. 

Sometimes vulnerability is uncomfortable and unnatural at first. It might even be scary and painful. This past week, I have felt like my blood and guts were all over the floor as I was sharing with two dear friends about some hurt I realized I had held on to for almost 20 years! Last weekend, at a church women's breakfast I had a nagging fear that my friends don't really like me. What in the world? Where did that come from? 

Driving home from breakfast, the Lord brought to mind three instances in high school and college where I felt betrayed by girls who I thought were good friends. Girls who had schemed against me, girls who just didn't like me, girls who turned on me, girls who said they were my friend and then told others that they didn't really like me. Ugh. I had never shared with anyone about those hurts. It hit me I had been afraid that if I shared with new friends about those old hurts, they would see me as "damaged" or that they would wonder if there really was something "wrong" with me.  So, I had stuffed all of that. And, without really "thinking" about it, I had lived with a tape of thoughts in the back of my head which said over and over again that I couldn't trust that anyone really liked me. And, that no one really likes me. 

Last Saturday, I found myself in tears on the phone to a good friend laying all of this out. God is SO good. He brought me to a place where I knew more of my worth IN HIM so that I was more okay with vulnerability before He brought these things up for me. Before He refined me in this area, He first made me willing to talk and share and open up to friends. 

Praise Jesus!!! What had been hidden for so long in my heart was brought into the light. The lies that I had believed about my worth, or lack there of, were exposed. And, I grew in true fellowship with the girls I shared with, and I grew in fellowship with the Lord. Just like He promised would happen in 1 John 1. And, I found myself free. Free from the lies I had believed. Free to talk about it. Free to write about it here on the interwebs for all of you to read. 

There is a song by Kendall Payne, and the lyrics are below. It beautifully lays out life with Jesus and it just keeps speaking to my heart as the Lord is rooting out insecurities in my life. In particular the last stanza. It is just.so.good. Sometimes the Lord cuts deep to set us free. But, if you trust him and let Him open you up to vulnerability, He is so good to keep His promises.

Don't stop your crying on my account

A frightening lion, no doubt
He's not safe, no he's not safe
Are you tempted now to run away?
The King above all Kings is coming down

But He won't say the words you wish that he would
Oh, he don't do the deeds you know that He could
He won't think the thoughts you think He should
But He is good, He is good

I know you're thirsty, the water is free
But I should warn you, it costs everything
Well, He's not fair, no He's not fair
When He fixes what's beyond repair
And graces everyone that don't deserve

No one knows Him whom eyes never seen
No, I don't know Him but He knows me
He knows me, He knows me

Lay down your layers, shed off your skin
But without His incision, you can't enter in
He cuts deep, yeah He cuts deep
When the risk is great and the talk is cheap
But never leaves a wounded one behind